Then Comes Marriage

When someone begins the phrase “marriage is…” do you think they are more likely to end with “great” or “hard”? Does some version of, “Enjoy it now, because once that ring’s on the finger it’s all downhill from there” sound familiar?

Now you probably think I’m referring to non-Christians. Although I have heard this phrase many times from non-Christians, I am also speaking about Christians. Shouldn’t we sound different, especially when describing a relationship that models Christ and the church?

Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

It makes me truly grieved to hear only the bad things about something that God intended for so much good. It was God who thought it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18), so what did he create for him? A lifesaver beside him (ezer kenegdo), an equal loving companion, a desperately needed helper. Woman. How wonderful. And what a privilege to be able to reflect Christ’s devotion to his bride, and vice versa. But how are we talking about it to young people?

Same story with having kids.

What I don’t hear quoted often enough is that children are a reward from God and “like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalm 127:3-4). Not that you have to quote it verbatim, but quite frankly I’d rather hear that than someone ranting about how kids have ruined your body, used up all your money and sucked dry all the passion in your marriage.

To a young single person that is pretty depressing—and doesn’t sound much like those verses from Genesis and Psalms when God is talking about marriage and kids.

We’ve been given the impression sometimes that marriage is a hard slog requiring lots of gruelling hard work and sacrifice—that you have to fight, fight, fight to survive—that we’d be lucky to make it out of there alive. Then tacking on at the end “but it’s worth it though.”

Hmm . . . sounds like it.

Now a lot of this probably sounds really harsh, and there are some marriages that I’m sure have been worthy of the description “gruelling struggle” and I don’t mean to dismiss anyone’s pain, but how do you think it sounds to unmarried people at times? They’re scarred before they even begin.

It’s good to be open about the different aspects of relationships and various stages of life, and it is naïve for someone to get married and have kids thinking it’s all going to be sunshine and rainbows, but what about the parts (hopefully bigger and more important) that are filled with sunshine? I honestly hope that there is more good than bad about two of the most important things in a lot of our lives.

All I’m saying is that the other day when someone described marriage and kids as great (without a big BUT right after) it genuinely shocked me. And I don’t think it should have.

#speakhope #generationsofblessing



Images:, sourced 27 July 2017., sourced 27 July 2017.


2 thoughts on “Then Comes Marriage

  1. Hi Lil. I am one of those without the but, zero regrets, and if I can do it all over again, I would. I met Sean when I was 11 and he was 13. At the age of 13, I just knew he was the one for me, my one and only. I was young when I matriculated, so at the age of 17 we got engaged, 18 we got married, 19 Gareth was born, 20 Matt was born. Sean was my best friend. It W’s always God first, then each other, and then our sons. We were honestly best friends who had so much FUN together. Right up until the end we would go camping. I helped Sean with his work, so we were together all the time, and actual enjoyed being together. 19 years ago Sean became very ill, so I know the part of in sickness and in health. It wasn’t a bad thing though, as we knew we were living on borrowed time and there was no time for selfishness in our relationship. We had to live everyday as if it was our last. That allowed us to always pick our battles , so we never made always issue of the small things that really at the end of the day, don’t count. Good marriages do exist. I not only had always good marriage, I had the perfect marriage. Sadly for me, Sean passed away 10 months ago. I am however left with the most precious memories and zero regrets. My advice to all couples is to chose to see only the good in each other. Love each day as if it’s your last. PRAY together. Have fun together. Laugh often together. Cherish each precious second God grants you together. I don’t even doubt that you and Jacques will have what Sean and I had. May you be very blessed. Much love Charms xxx

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